The following nine steps you can apply using your new communication skills to get anyone to like you and say “that dude’s mantastic” every time you use them. They come from a mantastic commander of communication by the name of David Lieberman and these and many more communication tips can be found in his book “Get Anyone To Do Anything”.
Understand the Law of Association
When you meet or spend time with someone, if good things are happening and it’s a nice environment then people associate the good feelings they are experiencing with you. Let’s say you had a great night out at a friend’s party or you just found out you won the lottery, you will associate positive feelings with the people around at the time. Unfortunately the opposite is true as well and if a negative experience occurs when you are around then you may be an unfortunate victim of circumstance. If you want to be liked by someone aim to talk to the person when they are in a good mood or excited about something and it will improve your score on the likability scale.
You may have the heard the saying “he grows on you”, repeat exposure means that the more you can interact with someone the greater the chance of them liking you as long as the initial impression was a positive one as in the law of association. This is because they get more familiar with you and this leads to that good old human need certainty, people like certainty which means they can’t help but start to like you too.
We tend to like people who like us and when we find out that people think well of us we are unconsciously driven to find them more likable as well. The way to incorporate this into your relationship building arsenal is when you like and respect someone make sure you let them know in some way, shape or form that this is the case. If someone finds out that you think they are a top shelf kind of person then they will mentally put you up there with them. You can do this by telling them directly or share with other people who are close to the person how great you think they are and this information is more than likely to get back to the person.
We like people who are more like us and have similar interests and experienced similar experiences in life, as it’s the commonalities and similarities that generate mutual liking between people. When talking to someone that you would like to make a favorable impression on make sure you ask them questions and talk about the things you both enjoy like hobbies, sports and career goals and pursuits. You can use the “Me Too” principle we talked about in actively listening to do this effectively.
There is a principle called “comrades in arms” which refers to people that have gone through life changing experiences together like soldiers in a war, near death experiences, winning the lottery or an illness quite often connect and develop strong friendships. It all comes down to the fact that deep down we all want to be understood and someone who has bee through such a powerful event that has shaped them into who they are appreciate someone who “knows can understands” what they are all about.
How You Make Them Feel
If you can develop your skills to become the person who makes people feel good about themselves then that will go along way toward other people finding you likeable. How a person feels about you is greatly determined by how you make them feel about themselves. You would have noticed how enjoyable it is to be around someone who is positive, fun and directs sincere compliments your way. I am sure you would also know how annoying it is to be around a negative person who finds fault in everyone and everything and feels the need to share this information with you.
The mantastic way of life is to be the person who lights up a room when they walk into it, not out of it! Aim to always leave a person feeling good when you depart their company. It is important that you understand people do not remember exactly what you said to them, they remember how you made them feel when you interacted on a personal level.
We have mentioned rapport and how to use your communication skills to connect with people and create trust quickly, and that’s what rapport is, it’s the ability to build trust quickly. Rapport allows you to build a psychological bridge between you and the other person through common interests, experiences, likes, dislikes and appearance.
There are two main tips to building rapport and gaining trust with another person that you can use to connect with others quickly and leave a mantastic impression:
1. MATCHING POSTURE AND MOVEMENTS an example would be how you stand, sit or where you put your hands when talking to someone. If someone has one hand in his or her pocket, you put your hand in your pocket (not theirs) and if they make a gesture with their hand, after a moment and without being obvious, you casually make the same gesture.
2. MATCHING SPEECH If someone is speaking in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the same. If someone is speaking quickly then you can up the words per minute and begin to speak more rapidly, remember what we talked about earlier about speaking at the correct speed limit.
Helping Them Out
Studies in human nature show that people dislike other people more after they have done harm to them, so if you hurt someone be it by accident or intentionally you will be driven unconsciously to like them less. The reason for this that you will have an inner conflict as you will feel uneasy for hurting someone and create a story to justify your actions and bring your actions in line with your self concept of being a good guy.
The internal question would go something like this “why did I do this to that person?”
The answer would be along the lines of “it must be that I don’t really like them and they deserve it otherwise I would be a bad person and I think I am a good person so it must be there fault, they deserved it”.
It works in reverse as well as if you do something nice for a person you are likely to have positive feelings toward them so if you want someone to develop positive feelings toward you the goal is to get them doing something for you. You may do things for others in the pursuit of them liking you and I am sure they will appreciate it but the fact is that for them to increase their likability rating toward you it is accomplished by them doing for you, not you doing for them.
He’s only human
One of the best ways to be likeable is to not portray that you are perfect as by now I hope we all know that not one of us are. When you see someone you admire do something clumsy or make a mistake you can’t help but like that person more. We all do things that are stupid and clumsy at times so when someone we admire drops the ball it is a more of a connection with the person than it is a disconnection. No one likes a show off or a person that is so consumed with themself or their image that they need to pretend they are perfect. Showing that you can laugh at yourself makes you infinitely more approachable and likeable. Even though we are drawn toward and like those who are self assured and confident we also know that someone who is truly confident admits flaws and the mistakes they make and have made.
A person who is truly confident doesn’t feel the need to let the world know how great they are. The world will discover this fact automatically by their actions, how they conduct themselves and their results. The bragging, arrogant person is really someone who feels small inside due to their internal dissatisfaction and they become uninteresting and unattractive. The mantastic lad who is confident is also able to laugh at his own mistakes and is not afraid to let the world know he is human. The truly mantastic man knows that not taking himself too seriously and acknowledging his faults and mistakes is what shows the world that he is a man of confidence and has accepted himself for who he is.
Everyone seeks, likes and admires those people who have a positive outlook on life and the reason for this is that’s what everyone wants. When you see this desirable spirit in another person you cannot help but like them. It’s true that some people find people who wake up smiling and in a positive mood annoying and that’s generally because they wish they did. Just like the person who criticizes the guy with the Ferrari, because deep down he wants one, take note that a positive attitude to life is worth ten times the value of a Ferrari, having said that though Ferrari’s really are mantastic!
Think of the people in your life who you can’t stand being around, the chances are they are always complaining about something, always annoyed with somebody and always finding fault with something. Like confidence, a positive attitude toward life will turn you into a superhuman magnet for attracting people and getting anyone to like you.
JIM ROHN HAS A QUOTE THAT SAYS:
“If you want the things on the top shelf of life you will have to stand on the books that you read.”